Several times I have played with the idea of writing a novel. Though I have never gotten much further than the planning and imagining stage. My main focus is on developing my characters, and then I abandon them.
Another hobby of mine is reading psychology books or books about relationships (not just how to maintain a romantic relationship but mainly about how people interact with each other, how conflicts arise, why some people bring out the best in each other, and other people unveil your dark side, etc.) I often try to use this information for my character profiles, for the novels which never materialize.
In this essay I will highlight some of the personality types, attachment styles, character issues, etc. I have come across in these readings.
If you are a (wanna-be) novelist, you might find inspiration here for your characters. If not, or in any case, you might learn something about yourself or the people in your life.
Attachment styles:
Securely attached: “I’m ok and you’re ok.”
– The character is able to connect safely to others and themselves.
-Can acknowledge their own faults and hear their partner’s concerns.
-Can accurately assess whether a person is safe or reliable.
-Is likely to stay emotionally regulated (even in conflicts or when receiving criticism).
Note: “securely attached” does not mean perfect. They will not be perfectly (self)compassionate and diplomatic all the time. Nor are they immune to getting hurt or making mistakes and hurting others.
Character’s background: Caregivers were likely attentive and receptive to the infant/young child’s needs and expressions.
Anxious-Ambivalent attachment style: “Am I ok?”
-The character tends to need validation and closeness.
-Tends to be hyper-critical of themselves, but less so of others.
-Struggles to directly state their needs to their partner.
-Tends to be emotionally dysregulated when fearing emotional disconnection (such as during an argument, disagreement, or when partner states an unmet need) and rely on fight or flight (or freeze or fawn) responses.
Character background: Caregiver(s) were inconsistent or unable to accurately read and respond to the infant/child’s emotional states.
Character arc: Learns that love can be unconditional. Even when you mess up, even when you are sad, even when you sometimes annoy your partner or make them mad, even when they sometimes annoy you. You are ok. We are ok.
Avoidant attachment style: Dismissive. (“I’m ok. You are probably not.”)
-Character tends to be self-reliant.
-Tends to be most afraid of being engulfed by other people.
-Emotionally disconnected.
-Tends to be triggered by conflict and responds by isolating/withdrawing to try to emotionally self-regulate.
Character background:
-Child experienced emotional coldness or rejection from parent(s), even if food and shelter and all physical needs were met.
-Learned that they cannot rely on anyone but themselves to comfort them, so they don’t even ask. Never reach for anyone.
-And/or parent(s) were emotionally immature, needing the child to comfort and reassure them and/or were overbearing.
-In other words, child was not allowed to be a child.
Character arc: Learns to show vulnerability. Learns that it is possible to love and be loved without becoming entangled. We can lean on and rely on each other. “I know you can solve this yourself, but I am here to support you.”
Disorganized attachment style: Fearful-avoidant. (“What is ok?”)
-Character desires to connect to other people but also fears being used and hurt.
-Most afraid that those closest to them will cause them harm.
-Tends to see themselves as defective and others as scary.
-May feel they are inviting others in, while also pushing them out.
-Triggers may result in dissociation and/or fight or flight responses.
-In relationships, they may experience feelings that remind them of the terror experienced in childhood.
Character background: Child grew up in unstable or abusive environment. Never knowing how a caregiver was going to react to them. Whether something would earn them love or lead to punishment, chaos, or rejection.
Character arc: Learns to love themselves and find safety and connection in themselves first and foremost. It may seem paradoxical, but this cannot come from within themselves (or from reading a book). It must be developed through safe relationships with other people such as a therapist, a patient and kind teacher, support group, church family, God, friend(s) and/or supportive partner.
Note: Characters can have different, or a combination of, attachment styles within different relationships.
Giving your characters certain “boundary issues” can also create interesting conflicts to drive the plot of your story. I wrote about the types of boundaries (healthy boundaries, porous boundaries, rigid boundaries) but I feel like I have written about or mentioned “boundaries” so much in recent months, I am kind of getting fed-up with hearing myself use that word. So I will skip that section. Sorry :)
I will just mention one thing. Interesting plot twist: Characters with weak, porous boundaries are often drawn to those with rigid, tight boundaries (and vice versa), but they cannot learn from each other or help each other grow until they have created enough distance between them.
Links to previous recent post where I mentioned “boundaries”
https://turtlestravels.wordpress.com/2024/05/23/beyond-boundaries/ (Part 3a is most relevant here)
Next up, I started describing the enneagram types, which can also be used to make your characters come to life. But researching and describing all nine types started taking up more time and space than I thought it would. (It is a fun task for me though). And I think the topic deserves its own blog post. So stay tuned for Part Two ;)
The reason why writing a novel has never worked out for me is that my storyline and characters become way too complex. The plot usually involves time travel and multiple storylines intersecting. The characters are equally deep and complex so that the reader doesn’t know whether to love them or hate them. And if multiple people end up reading the book, I foresee there being debates and ‘camps’ among readers with different views on who is actually the good guy and who is the bad guy in the story.
In the end, I don’t know how to get the whole complex thing out of my head and onto the page. Especially since, in all of this, I have a desire to write something that is easy-reading and fun.
It is like how, in kindergarten, I thought I could not draw a house. Because I was trying to draw it exactly as I saw it. Brick by brick. Then I learned to “cheat” (the teacher actually showed me), by drawing a box with a triangle on top and calling it a “house.”
Maybe in the same way I need to “dumb down” my novels by a lot. Maybe I can focus on just one- or two- main character traits per character, instead of their entire life history, traumas, and how those intersect with those of each of the other characters. And give them one conflict to deal with, instead of having to solve the entire puzzle of the universe and the meaning of life. (Like the box and triangle instead of the exact house. Dumbing things down is the way to get them across).
Turtle's Travels 